We’ve all been there: Slightly tipsy on a Saturday night, channel hopping and hoping to come across something you can fall asleep too. Maybe you’re on YouTube, maybe you land on the Horror Channel, maybe you’ve bought those 3 for £5 DVDs from the garage. Whatever your weapon of choice, your viewing habits all have one thing in common – These films are so bad, they’re good.
You don’t feel like you’ve wasted precious life hours as you would watching the latest turgid romcom at your local multiplex. These films have terrible special effects, wooden acting and scripts that a seven year old could have improved. And yet, you find yourself laughing hysterically, eager for the next scene.
Yes, these are films that are so bad, they’re actually worth the watch. So, grab your friends, get some snacks and beers in and behold the magic of low budget cinema.
The bunny on the cover of this DVD is entirely misleading. It actually looks not bad, but when it appears in the film, it’s revealed as cheap, plasticine like stop-motion. My favourite scene is when a woman (who had no reason to be topless) just stood, shaking her boobs, screaming at the giant bunny. Essentially, a small town is being terrorised by this towering beast so brace yourself for lots of terrible editing, perspective and hilarious attempts at gore.
Ah, Neil Breene. Where do I start? This could literally have been a list of his cinematic efforts. Breene is a writer / actor / director who also caters his own films (seriously, check the credits). Convinced of his own viability as a leading man, every film he writes sees himself cast as a spy or hero; untouchable and virile. Double Down is an “edgy, action thriller” (I shit you not) set in the Vegas desert whilst a terrorist anthrax attack takes place. Particular highlights include: Breene’s vest of medals, the gunshot sound that happens several seconds after the fact and the hilarious attempts at ‘hacking’.
Tommy Wiseau’s film now has legendary status: Special screenings are held all over the world to herald one of the worst films ever made. Like Breene, Wiseau plays this entirely straight, clearly certain that he’s delivering something Oscar-worthy. He stars as Johnny, who is plagued by the thought that his wife is having an affair with his best friend, Mark. The dialogue is so truly terrible throughout, you’ll struggle to imagine how anyone ever got on board with this. Look out for the famous line: “I did not hit her … Oh, hi Mark!”
Everyone’s favourite Cockney hard man, Danny Dyer, shares the screen with the Kemp brothers in this hysterical attempt at a gritty gangster drama. The acting feels like no one can be bothered – you can refer to Dyer’s sex scenes and Gary Kemp’s portrayal of Parkinson’s disease and the plot is absolutely all over the shop. I think the ending is meant to be symbolic – there’s a lot of seagulls – but I can honestly say I just laughed for the entire 90 mins run time. An absolute belter.
I do love a good laugh, and Jurassic Prey certainly delivers plenty of those. It feels like a cheap porno, yet there’s no chance any of these actors could muster up the energy for a winch, never mind anything more. Like Beaster Bunny, the monsters in question are SO TERRIBLE that there’s absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Maybe that’s why the actors are so lacklustre in their reactions. Like any good horror, it’s set in a ‘remote cabin’ but sadly the budget for special effects was approximately a fiver.
Believe or not, there’s a sequel to this absolute disaster. It’s essentially a similar plot to Alfred Hitchcock’s classic, The Birds, but it looks like it was made by two toddlers with access to MS Paint. I was actually crying with laughter watching these alleged mutant birds ‘attack’. The worst part is that director, James Nguyen, bills himself as “visionary” before presenting you with this giant turd. If wooden, clunky scripts and equally bad effects are your thing, this is the film for you.
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